An Odyssey: Learning the Hidden Curriculum

October 22, 2014Autism and Aging, Hidden Curriculumadmin

Learning the hidden curriculum social rules of society remains a struggle for autistics long after they grow up. For example, even though I am an almost 60-year-old woman with autism, over the past few years, I have learned a lot of new-to-me hidden curriculum items. The hidden curriculum refers to all the social information that everybody seems to know but isn’t directly taught to anybody. Here’s an example:

Don’t scratch your privates really means don’t let anybody see you scratch your privates.

Guessing at Hidden Curriculum Rules
Once I amassed a volume of hidden curriculum items I began being able to “guess” at some of these new-to-me hidden curriculum items when in novel situations. For example, in the swimming pool locker room, I saw a woman put her towel on the bench before sitting down. A week later, I saw two other women do the same. As a result, I guessed there was a hidden curriculum item about not sitting naked on the locker room bench – likely for sanitary reason, I assumed.

Guessing Wrong!
Then I discovered sometimes I guessed wrong!

I was visiting my friend Brenda for the first time at her new house. Upon arrival, Brenda showed me around. The hallway bathroom was for my private use she said, opening the door of the hallway closet that stored the extra soap, shampoo, body wash, toothpaste, etc., added, “Go ahead and use whatever you wish.” Since I have always brought my own toiletries I wondered why Brenda was doing this.

That night when I bathed, I saw a heavy-duty loofa brush hanging in the shower which was also fully stocked with a variety of soap, shampoo and body wash. Hmmmm … Brenda had indicated that this was my shower. It wasn’t like anyone else was going to be using it while I was there. Also, even though she had never before opened the cabinet of toiletries telling me to use them, she had done so this time.

I thought about this and came to the conclusion that maybe in her new home Brenda wanted to make sure her houseguests were really clean. It all made sense. Having just moved in, everything was new and clean, so why not expect your houseguests to stay extra clean too, I reasoned.

I do not like the way loofa brushes feel, and this heavy-duty brush had quite stiff bristles. But I wanted to be a good houseguest, so I decided that no matter how much it hurt, I would use it. The first day I only used the brush on my arms. But even though it was very stiff and scratchy, each day thereafter I used it a little more, thinking I would get accustomed to it and, above all, wanting to be a good house guest.

Discovering New Rules
During this visit, I was working on the 2011 Hidden Curriculum Calendar for Older Adolescents and Adults. Consequently, Brenda was pointing out hidden curriculum items as she thought of them so as to be helpful to my project. Imagine my surprise when Brenda one day asked, “Do you have the one about not using the loofas and bath brushes in someone else’s shower?”

Totally perplexed I burst out, “What about it?”

Well, we both wound up laughing hysterically about this! What a relief not to have to use that stiff body brush and to know that Brenda wasn’t going bonkers about me being clean enough! I learned it is important not to assume any hidden curriculum. I replaced my erroneous hidden curriculum item about complying with the personal cleanliness standards your hostess puts upon you even if it seems excessive with this one:

A guest in not meant to use the bath brushes, loofas or sponges in a host’s shower as these are considered personal items. It is permissible to use bottled shampoo, conditioner and body soap. If in doubt, ask your host.

Strategies for Learning New Rules
So, even though today I am a grown woman who travels about speaking and consulting, having autism means that I have a neurology that doesn’t permit me to automatically pick up all the hidden curriculum rules that other people “just know.”

Here are a few strategies I discovered for learning the hidden curriculum:

1. Learn key phrases others use when they are about to deliver hidden curriculum information such as

- I shouldn’t have to tell you, but…
- It should be obvious that…
- Everyone knows…
- Common sense tells us…
- No one ever…(Endow, 2012)

2. Watch for nonverbal reactions of disapproval from others such as a look of disgust or bewilderment. You might use one of the Hidden Curriculum On the Go app on your iPhone, iPod, iPad or other device to get a hidden curriculum item a day to become more informed about hidden curriculum. Then, when people give you strange looks you can use your knowledge of hidden curriculum items to become a detective. I have pieced together the strange looks with social convention violations on my part after amassing hidden curriculum items. These apps (one for which I wrote the content) are:

Hidden Curriculum for Kids
Hidden Curriculum for Adolescents and Adults

3. Pause and Match – intentionally pausing before responding to people to determine if my literal take on the conversation matched the topic of conversation. (Endow, 2012)

Example: When a person says he doesn’t know why the cop gave him a speeding ticket he is not looking for the literal explanation of a speeding ticket is issued when a driver exceeds the posted speed limit, but instead the intent is to communicate his displeasure at having received the ticket and hoping to garner your sympathies.

4. Laugh Along – Sometimes people laugh when I make a hidden curriculum mistake because it is funny.

“If somebody starts laughing, I immediately laugh along. Most times I don’t understand why I am laughing. Luckily, it usually doesn’t matter because most people like to laugh with you. Funny thing is that the other person usually makes enough of a comment that I come to understand why we are both laughing. If not, I can usually figure it out later, or if I trust the person enough I can let him or her in on the secret that I don’t have a clue why we are laughing. Then, once the situation has been explained, we both have a really good laugh together!” (Endow, 2012, pg. 51-52)

5. Practice Discovering Hidden Curriculum
“Consider engaging in a repeating experience of your own, such as going to a gym, mall, movie, bowling alley, and so on. Each time you repeat the chosen activity, intentionally watch to see what hidden curriculum items you might discover. Start your own list to keep track of the new items you discover.” (Endow, 2012, pg. 69)

Summary
Hidden curriculum does not come easy to autistic neurology. Even so we can learn to discover the hidden social rules in the world around us. Today I am much smarter about hidden curriculum and commit far fewer social blunders than I used to. Not only does this allow me to feel more comfortable social situations, but understanding all these hidden social rules is often a deal breaker in terms of being accepted and in getting along in so many areas life, impacting friendships, education and employment.

REFERENCE

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

BOOKS BY JUDY ENDOW

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology. Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Originally written for and published by Ollibean on August 2, 2014

Fractured Vision: One Autistic Phenomenon

October 18, 2014Autism and Aging, Growing Up Autistic, Sensory Solutionsadmin

I started painting with acrylics in 2012. I wanted to use that medium to illustrate aspects of my autism. To date I have written several articles and books along with speaking in three countries about aspects of autism. Painting is one more way to explain some of the nuances of autism to those who might be interested.

Painting allows me to show perceptions of the world that I see with my eyes as delivered through the neurology of my autism. I match up what I see with the colors and movements of paint on canvas paper. I have not taken classes about painting, other than a one-hour lesson where someone allowed me to watch him paint and ask questions about painting supplies and techniques. I determined after that hour that I could learn to paint.

So, now I paint. I just do it and really do not know if I am doing it correctly or not. What is important to me is the finished product – a painting allowing others to be able to see what I see.

It took me most of my life to realize that what I see isn’t what most other people see. I want people to understand some of the aspects of my autism that I cannot expediently explain with words, but can readily show by painting.

One of those aspects of my autism is something I call fractured vision. It typically occurs when I am in sensory overload. What I am looking at divides up. Imagine a picture that is suddenly cut up into several pieces. One day when this fractured vision phenomena was occurring, I wondered if I might be able to illustrate it through painting.

To illustrate this concept, I copied what was happening by cutting a painting into the pieces my visual perception was delivering to me at that moment. Over the course of a few weeks I took each opportunity of real-time fractured vision as I experienced it and showed what happened by painting and then cutting the painting into the fractured pieces my eyes were delivering to me.

Please know that not all autistics experience the world in the same way I do. The more salient take away point here is that more than 90% of autistics have sensory system differences from the neuro majority population (Baker, 2008 and Baranek, 2006). Those differences impact all of who we are and how we navigate in this world. Because most people don’t experience what we experience there typically are not words adequate to describe it.

When I was growing up, and as a young adult, whenever I would try to describe my experience either it was discounted as not possible, I was said to have a big imagination or it was thought that I was hallucinating. If you want to read more about my story you can do so in the book called Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism (Endow, 2009). From my early 20’s until my late 50’s I refrained from talking about my experiences. It kept me out of psychiatric institutions and that was a good thing.

Today I am braver and I am now in charge of my own life so am able to talk about aspects of my autism without needing to worry what will happen if others do not believe me. At this point in my life others do not have the power to decide my experiences mean I am in need of a psych hospital – at least they no longer tell me this AND even if people would think it, there is no longer anyone who has the power to make it happen. This helps me to be brave and speak out and show my experience through painting.

Here is a picture of one of my paintings I use to illustrate the aspect of my autism I refer to as fractured vision. To see more paintings illustrating fractured vision look in the 2013 Gallery of the Art Store at my website. If you would like to see a larger collection of my paintings along with words explaining the aspects of autism they illustrate please see the book called Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated (Endow, 2013).

Blue Mountain Panorama by Judy Endow

Note: Greeting cards along with prints in three sizes  available for purchase
at the  Art Store on www.judyendow.com

BOOKS BY JUDY ENDOW

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology. Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Originally written for and published by Ollibean on August 5, 2014

Speeding, Autism and No Ticket Issued!

October 12, 2014Autism and Aging, Hidden Curriculumadmin

In the past few years I have had two encounters with the police while driving my car. The first time I pulled into a school parking lot, answered an email on my Blackberry, gathered my stuff together and let out a little scream, as I didn’t expect to see a police officer standing at my car door!

“Good afternoon officer. How might I help you?” I inquired, knowing that it is very important to always be polite to a police officer.

“Do you know why I am stopping you?”

“No, I do not,” I replied honestly.

“Do you know the speed limit on this road in front of the school?”

“Yes I do,” again, my honest reply.

“And what might that speed limit be?” questioned the officer.

“It is 25 mph,” I responded confidently.

“I clocked you at 33 mph. Is there a good reason you were speeding?” the officer asked.

I was getting increasingly nervous, but knew I needed to tell the truth. I said, “No, I do not have a good reason for speeding.”

“Are you coming to pick up a sick child?” asked the officer.

“No, my children do not go to this school.” I did not know why the officer was asking me this question as it didn’t seem to have anything to do with speeding.

“Perhaps you are in a hurry returning from your lunch break,” the officer offered. It seemed this officer was trying to be friendly with me, which was a bit weird to my way of thinking.

Being as polite as possible in light of my increasing nervousness I responded, “No, I am not late. In fact, I am early. That is why I was answering an email and didn’t notice you standing at the door.”

Acting a bit annoyed with me the officer asked for my driver’s license. While I was fishing it out of my purse he asked one more time, “Do you have any good reason for speeding?”

I knew exactly how this officer felt because I too was becoming a bit annoyed. Again, I tried to give my explanation in the very politest voice I could muster. “Officer, I have no good reason for speeding. I am not coming to pick up a sick child. I am not coming back from lunch. I am a consultant to this school district. I come here every month. I always arrive early. I am aware of the speed limit. I have no good reason at all for speeding, but do in fact have a bad reason for speeding. I simply wasn’t paying close enough attention. I know that is bad of me as a driver and I totally deserve a speeding ticket because I disobeyed the law. I am very sorry. I will pay closer attention from now on.”

The officer took my license and after a few minutes returned telling me I had a clean driving record and he saw no reason to issue a ticket. He admonished me to pay closer attention in the future especially when driving near schools.

I said, “Are you sure? I did break the law. I will gladly pay a fine.”

Ignoring me the officer told me to have a nice day and to drive carefully. I was very puzzled over his behavior, even though I was glad that I didn’t get a speeding ticket. That night I asked a friend who explained to me that the officer likely didn’t want to issue me a ticket if I could tell him a reasonable explanation for my speed. She said given my situation, even though many people would have the same explanation, they would never say so to the police officer. Seems that most people make up a story – they actually lie about speeding and the police officers are used to it.

I know my autism gifts me with literal thinking and a kind of honesty most others in the world do not have. I know this doesn’t always work out well for me, but I do not understand why people often consider this trait a deficit in regards to me as an autistic person. I sincerely believe it is a bad policy to lie, especially to a police officer. In this instance abiding by the saying, Honesty is the best policy, worked well for me. End result: No speeding ticket.

BOOKS BY JUDY ENDOW

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology. Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Originally written for and published by Ollibean on October 9, 2014

Autism and Thinking With Colors

October 2, 2014Autistic "Behavior", Growing Up Autistic, Sensory Solutions, Social Considerationsadmin

I think in colors. My thinking colors have sound and movement. When I hear spoken words my neurology automatically goes for the match. When I was a girl, I heard the saying, “I got the world by the tail.” Immediately, the matching pictures of tail started popping up in my head. It’s like having a personal version of Google Images.

The initial picture search produced a variety of tails of animals. Then, there came the images of the ground mist I saw each morning when I went outdoors after breakfast. I assigned the world tail words I heard to this literal tail meaning that enabled me to name the pictures that had popped up in my head.

Specifically, I assigned this new tail meaning to the interaction of the sunlight and misty water particles I could see rising up from the earth’s surface whenever I was outside. For most of my life, I thought this literally was the earth’s tail.

Furthermore, I thought that people were somehow able physically to grab onto this tail and when they did so they indeed had the world by the tail! I had often tried to touch these sparkles, but now I had a new mission. I wanted to actually catch this tail so I too might have the world by its tail! I am glad this was the 1950’s because children played outdoors many hours. I was not interrupted in my efforts of trying to catch the earth tails.

Today, this would be called “a behavior” and more specifically would be labeled “stimming.” Unfortunately, today some would try to intervene and stop me from engaging in this behavior. Back then, it was just thought to be my way of playing. I used this environmental phenomenon of ground mist interacting with the sun sparkles to make sense of the progression of time across the day. It allowed me to be able to predict what would happen when (lunch, naptime, setting the table for dinner, etc.). I am glad nobody took my mechanism of sense-making away from me!

People with autism are often visual thinkers. It is not something we decide, but rather the way our brain handles information. We do not know when we are little that most other people think with words rather than with colors and pictures. This makes it difficult in school as delivery of information quickly becomes language-based as pictures drop away after the first few years. This dramatic change in materials in the United States occurs at the third-grade level when text-based instruction becomes predominant.

For me, it was hard to think about or understand ideas that were not concrete ideas. Basically, if my brain could not translate the words I heard into a concrete picture in a few seconds, as a young child I would not be able to pick up the meaning of the words being spoken. Even though I did not understand the meaning, I was able to repeat the words. For example, when prompted I could repeat the teacher’s instruction to use quiet voices even though I had no idea what the words meant at that moment because no picture popped up in my head to equal those words (Endow, 2013). I was often labeled stubborn and noncompliant based on other’s interpretation of my behavior. In reality, I was doing the best I could in the moment to participate and do what was asked of me by the adults.

Because autistics have different operating systems, we are misunderstood in many ways. Our operating system visits different, and yet often intense, experiences of aspects of the world that others never seem to notice at all! I would like to end with a poem illustrating the huge impact mismatched colors have on me.

Warring Colors
(Excerpt from Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers)

Colors are something her eyes can readily see

and when colors match
they tend to give back
a comfort to her eyes.

But when colors don’t match she can get distracted

and sometimes finds it harder to function
when her attention needs to be given
over to inside-her-skin physical senses.

If world-people could see what happens inside to her body

when colors are clashing outside of her skin
in the world all around her
this is what they’d observe

Her eyes start hurting as if they are burning.
Sometimes tears form and leak onto her face.

Her insides become disjointed

with inside-her-skin molecules
of her very being
trying to move away from each other

like sisters and brothers
in a family feud –

kin
not getting along,
choosing sides and
warring with one another.

This causes a physical aching.
Her muscles get sore and tired

Over the years she has learned that for her

it is not a very wise choice
to remain a long time inside of a room
where colors don’t match together.
(Endow, 2006, pp. 24-25)

Outside time dawns bright for me
While Misty Earth is making
A bright New Tail that rises up
Then back to me for taking.
(Endow, 2013, p.43)

Painting is EARTH-Tail Mist by Judy Endow
Note: Greeting cards and prints in three sizes are available for order at www.judyendow.com

BOOKS BY JUDY ENDOW

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology. Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Originally written for and published by Ollibean

Autism, Growing Up and Defining Friends

September 29, 2014Growing Up Autistic, Social Considerationsadmin

As an autistic, I have difficulties in the social arena in a multitude of ways. This was especially true during my growing up years. Even today as an adult, automatic social understanding is not my strong suit. I am, however, able to continually learn new things that enable me to do and be all I want in this world.

Today, in my professional work I am able to provide some input to a variety of organizations and schools in regards to individuals with an autism label. One thing I consistently see regardless of where I go is the practice of therapists and teachers referring to all the children in the group as each other’s friends. This practice feels right and good in preschool groups. Beyond that, the older the children, the more uncomfortable I become when I hear the adult defining all group participants as friends.

How Friendship Changes Over Time as Children Grow Up

I would like us to think about how the concept of friends changes as children grow and mature socially. When in preschool, a small child’s relationships are primarily with adults. Other children are defined as friends only when they are in close proximity, such as in the same room. This slides into the early primary grades for some, but not all, children. An example that illustrates this is birthday parties. In the very young grades, it is not unusual to invite everyone in the class to a birthday party because they are all friends.

As children go through grade school they grow and develop in all sorts of ways, including the way they define and participate in friendship. They come into a co-operative friendship style, meaning they co-operate fairly with others. Children this age will spend time making the rules and deciding who is in and who is out of their friendship circle. Often this is short-lived and a new circle or club will soon be formed. If they do something nice, they expect the other person then must do something nice in return.

As children mature they stop keeping score in their friendships and they start confiding thoughts and feelings to a select few whom they have identified as friends. They are able to help each other problem solve. Often during this stage of development children have the joined-at-the-hip experience of a best friend.

As teens navigate through high school friendship begins to become defined by the experience of emotional closeness. There is less possessiveness and individuals often have more than one circle of friends. Trust and support are highly valued as is remaining close over time, even if separated.

As I grew up, my autism meant that I was not on par with same-aged peers in my friendship development. This is the case with most children with autism that I see today. Often our individuals are put into social groups in an effort to give them support in an area that poses difficulty. In these groups there is a common practice of the leaders referring to all the group members as each other’s friends, regardless of the age or the development of the individual participants.

Referring to all kids in the group as friends is a preschool practice. It works well in preschool because, in reality, all of the children really are friends! After this period in life, not all participants define their friends by proximity. In the case of developmental differences, older children may be developmentally at a younger age. It may seem reasonable to target social connection at the current developmental level, referring to all the children in the group as friends. I have done this myself, but I am now questioning this practice.

My Personal Experience

I am reflecting on my own growing up and I know that when working one on one in a therapy session it was beneficial for the therapist to meet me at my current developmental level. For example, I can remember talking about how a friend was not sharing back and how wrong that was when I was seventeen. This area of friendship understanding typically happens during early grade school years, but at seventeen, that reflected my social development level.

This mismatch between chronological age and social development is par for the course for those of us with autism. Even so, addressing a group of teens as if they were preschoolers is not only quite disrespectful – it is indeed ableist!

Personally, I am willing to work on what is difficult for me, but I do not appreciate my difficulties being underlined publically. I do not want you to broadcast your assumption publically that I am socially at a preschool level. You see, even if I am at a preschool level in the area of friendship development, when you interact as if I am a preschooler others assume my intellect, my interests and my whole being are preschool levels. When you refer to everyone in the room as my friends, regardless if I know them or not, assuming a preschool concept of friendship development, it invites the rest of the world to see me as incompetent and they then treat me as a young child. Your behavior sets the stage further to impede my ability to grow and mature socially because now people will only extend preschool opportunities to me – your words defined that context.

Conclusion

I wonder when I observe groups today if older children and teens feel “less than,” “othered” or “treated like a baby” when the group leader starts by saying the usual, “Let’s do a check in with our friends.” Even when I was developmentally at the stage of defining my friends by proximity, intellectually I knew others my age did not do it that way. In fact, I knew that was one of the reasons I was in the social group!

I have more questions than answers at this point, but for now, in my practice, I do not use these sorts of phrases in group settings. Instead, I am addressing and supporting friendship at an individual’s developmental level in private sessions. I am utilizing age appropriate – rather than developmentally appropriate – language in group sessions. I do this out of respect. It never felt good to me as a teen when others interfaced with me as if I were much younger, treating me like a baby and assuming my incompetence. This is why I begin any older-than-preschool groups with, “Let’s check in with one another.”

REFERENCES

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2013). Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009). Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

BOOKS BY JUDY ENDOW

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology. Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Originally written for and published by Ollibean on July 17, 2014