Tag Archives: autistic experience

Autism and Measuring Normal

March 21, 2016Activism/Advocacyautism, autistic experience, Diversity, sensory, socialadmin

Even though people described me as in my own world as I was growing up, I was in the same world as every other human being. I could not help it that other people could not see the details of the world such as the sun sparkles and the misty tails rising up from the ground early in the morning like I could, but that didn’t mean our worlds were different.

Instead our experience of the same world was different. My experience was much more detailed because I had ever so much more to see than most people. I could also hear in a much more robust way than most people. In fact, my sensory experience of the world in general was always to a much higher refinement and greater impact than others report.

If we used my experience as the norm then all the typical people would come up as very lacking. But we do not measure experience from the most to the least sensory quantity or quality perceived. Instead we measure according to what most of the people perceive and label that as normal. Then, any experience that does not fall into this normal range of experience is labeled abnormal and people with this abnormal experience are said to be lacking.

If the truth were told, whenever the neurotypical yardstick of normal is used to measure me I do not measure up to be very many inches. (Endow, J., 2009a, 2009b, 2013) Because there is not a good way to measure the things that make me be me those things go unmeasured. Instead I am measured by the yardstick of what makes you be you and am found to be lacking.

Deficit based language in the field of autism is used for diagnostic purposes. A diagnosis is important in many regards because it can provide access to accommodations and supports, needed services and even a disability income and health insurance in adulthood for those who need it. The problem with deficit-based language comes when we take that deficit language out of the diagnostic arena and start using it to describe the humanity of a person with autism.

It is true that autistics are not like neuro majority folks and that when measured we often land outside of the majority norm. Geniuses land outside of the majority norm, too. Landing outside of the norm does not equate to mean less than as a human being.

Personal Questions for Self-Reflection:

Do you confine the use of deficit-based language to the diagnostic arena of Autism Spectrum Disorder?
How do you think about what is normal and what lies outside of normal?
Do you want or need to change your thinking?

When autistics are treated as equal human beings positive relationships are more likely to develop. This is important because people with autism are generally able to learn new things and to access their highest level skills and abilities in the context of a positive relationship. (Robledo, J. & Donnellan, A., 2008).

And yes, we actually have research to show this – quite sad to need to “prove” autistics respond to positive relationships just like other human beings. Just the idea that this research needed to be done is a reflection of the world’s continuing erroneous presumptions about autistics. Hopefully, research like this will help change the faulty perception of the world about autistics.

Personal Questions for Self-Reflection:

In your heart of hearts do you think of autistics as equal fellow human beings? If you are not pleased with your current thinking know you can change it.
Do your relationships with autistics have a level of shared high regard for one another? What evidence do you have to support this?

In conclusion, please don’t allow yourself to write off autistics as “in their own world.” This only encourages division – an us-and-them dichotomy – when, in reality, we are all in one shared world. Autistics tend to experience the world with a higher degree of sensory awareness and often interact with or guard against the impact of this experience by employing behaviors that can look different or unusual to those who don’t share the autistic sensory experience.

Saying that someone is in their own world tends to give permission to disregard that person and to invite others to think of him as less than other human beings. When this happens everyone loses, including you. So, if you talk about a child, teen or adult autistic as “being in his own world” will you please stop?

BOOKS BY JUDY ENDOW

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology. Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

OTHER REFERENCES

Robledo, J. A. & Donnellan, A. M. (2008). Properties of supportive relationships from the perspective of academically successful individuals with autism. Intellectual Developmental Disabilities. 46 (4), 299-310.

Originally written for and published by Ollibean on February 18, 2016.
To leave a comment at the end of this blog at the Ollibean site click here.

Autistic Neurology or Psychiatric Symptomatology?

March 13, 2016Autism and Mental Healthautism, autistic experience, mental health and autism, neurologyadmin

Sometimes autistic neurology – specifically our style of thinking and the way our brain handles information bumps up against what can appear to be psychiatric symptomatology. This has happened to me many times over the years. My style of thinking is visual along with being quite literal and concrete. I understand myself and, in general, thoughts, ideas and concepts by having or creating an object or visual representation of that construct. Here is an example:

“…in my life, I have come to a fuller understanding of the parts of me as represented by actual pastel colored stones. I have the collection in a small box. Each stone holds for me the information about a segment of my history. This is why, as a child, information learned in one setting didn’t automatically transfer to another setting for me, as it seemed to do for others. For example, the “home Judy” might be able to tie shoes and know how to make a sandwich, but the “school Judy” would not be able to access these skills” (Endow, 2009a, pg. 17).

In the field of autism we say individuals are not very good at generalization. We try very hard to help students perform learned skills in a multitude of environments to support generalization. I wonder if we had a way to discover how our student was processing, recording, storing and retrieving information if we might be able to develop a system for them to generalize. Once the system was developed would generalization be able to happen? Nobody knows as it hasn’t yet happened, but it is an interesting question.

In the field of mental health we tend to see Dissociative Identity Disorder when there are distinctly different parts of one person, sometimes the parts unknown to each other. I was actually diagnosed with this back when it was called Multiple Personality Disorder. Today, I believe this historical diagnosis more accurately represents my autistic style of visual thinking in a very literal and concrete way along with the way my neurology processes, records, stores and retrieves information.

“Thus, this first pile of stones was comprised of several pastel-colored bits representing the inside unconnected parts of me –

WHO  I was in

different places,

much of the know-how of

the various WHO’s

unrelated to each other,

each WHO of Her

represented by

a separate pastel bit of

colored stone”

(Endow, 2009a, pg. 17).

Illustration of Concrete Thinking Impact
Over time, as I grew from a child to a teenager, and then into the various stages of womanhood, I was able to look back over the lifetime of these pastel stones. Each of them had its own bit of Me recorded and encapsulated into an entity of its own. These pastel stones held my history, each era distinct and separate from all the others, with none of the content of the stones overlapping.

Illustration of Information Recording and Storage Impact
No wonder I often felt unconnected to my past, as if I was continually starting my life over! I came to understand that this was a function of the way I recorded and stored the happenings of my life – each bit encapsulated in its own entity, never intertwined with any other events. It often felt to me as if I was lost from myself.

Illustration of Information Retrieval Impact
When the content of these pastel stones became available to me in my thirties, I was finally able to piece together my past into one whole. During my forties I was able to think of myself as one whole person with a past, a present and a future yet to come. Today I have a good sense of my own personhood, being able to line up the story of each stone chronologically to tell my history and also to imagine forward into the future. I do this by thinking about what the story of the next stone will show. I have to be able to visualize a new pastel stone inside me before I can plan something into the future, like an upcoming vacation, for example (Endow, 2010).

I think it is important to start discussing the issue of when characteristics of autism in general and psychiatric symptoms in specific may be a reflection of autistic neurology – part and parcel of how one thinks and how one processes, records, stores and retrieves information.

One reason it becomes crucial in teasing out whether we are looking at autistic neurology or psychiatric symptomatology is because autistic neurology need not be fixed. Instead, we all simply need to understand how it works for specific individuals and then based on individual self-determination we can proceed. For example, in my life, I sometimes explain how I store and retrieve information when I need extra time to answer a question and sometimes I choose not to explain.

On the other hand, when something is reflective of psychiatric symptomatology, then the supports and treatments available to general public need to be available to the autistic too. It is not appropriate to attribute psychiatric symptomatology to the autism. It is appropriate, however, to treat psychiatric symptomatology of an autistic person through the lens of autism. This is another subject perhaps for another blog…or book, and for another time.

BOOKS BY JUDY ENDOW

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology. Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Originally written for and published by Ollibean on March 6, 2016.
To leave a comment at the end of this blog on the Ollibean site click here.

Autistic Visual Thinking Impacts Comprehension

March 10, 2016Autistic "Behavior", Communication, Growing Up Autistic, Sensory Solutions, Social Considerationsautism, autistic experience, Diversity, first person account, neurology, sensory, social, transition, visual routinesadmin

I think in colors. My thinking colors have sound and movement. When I hear spoken words my neurology automatically goes for the match – a match for the words I hear to a familiar concrete picture of something in the world outside my skin or to an internal picture I have stored in my memory..

When I was a girl I heard the saying, “I got the world by the tail.” Immediately, the matching pictures of my experience of the world popped up for me to see. I found the best match and promptly assigned the words, “I got the world by the tail” to mean the interaction of the sunlight and misty water particles I could see rising up from the earth’s surface whenever I was outside.

The phenomenon of mist rising from the earth became the visual match for the new words I imagined to be about the world’s tail. For most of my life I thought this literally was this early morning mist was indeed the earth’s tail. I thought that people were somehow able to physically grab onto this tail and when they did so they indeed had the world by the tail! To my literalness this made perfect logical sense.

I had always noticed the sun sparkles and the interaction of the sun sparkles with the earth mist. In fact, as a small child, they were often more salient to me than the people in my world. Most times I preferred them to people. I had often tried to touch these sparkles, but now I had a new mission. I wanted to actually catch this tail so I too might have the world by its tail! As a decades older person, a few years ago I used acrylic paints to paint some of these misty tails. Here is one example with many more at my website www.judyendow.com

Painting is Earth Tail Mist
available in packs of 5 greeting cards
and 3 print sizes
under the Art Store tab at
www.judyendow.com

Points to Ponder:

a. Rote Repetition is NOT Evidence of Comprehension!

People with autism are often visual thinkers. It is not something we decide, but rather the way our brain handles information. We do not know when we are little that most other people think with words rather than with colors and pictures. This makes it difficult in school as delivery of information quickly becomes language-based as pictures drop away after the first few years.

This dramatic change in materials in the United States occurs at the third grade level when text based instruction becomes predominant. For me it was hard to think about or understand ideas that were not concrete ideas. Basically, if my brain could not translate the words I heard into a concrete picture in a few seconds, as a young child I would not be able to pick up the meaning of the words being spoken. Even though I did not understand the meaning I was able to repeat the words. For example, when prompted I could repeat the teacher’s instruction to use quiet voices even though I had no idea what the words meant because no picture popped up in my head to equal those words.

Is your youngster a visual thinker?

Do you use concrete language along with pictures as needed?

b. Non-compliance or Comprehension Constraint?

When autistics are able to recite your instructions or repeat an admonition and then do not follow the instruction or admonition do not assume willful non-compliance. Instead, check for comprehension. If the autistic is a visual thinker ask him to draw or show you what the instructions or rule looks like. If a visual thinker cannot do this, he likely does not comprehend the words you are speaking even though he may be able to repeat them quite accurately. Children with ASD have been shown to perform basically normal for age in word decoding, but lower than age expectation in reading comprehension. (Minshew et al, 1994, Myles et al, 2002, Nation et al, 2006, Newman et al, 2007, Asberg et al, 2008, Asberg et al, 2010)

When your student’s behavior has the appearance of willful noncompliance do you stop to ascertain comprehension before ascribing meaning to the behavior?

How will you evaluate your student’s comprehension or lack of comprehension when his behavior looks like non-compliance?

c. Teach Idioms and Other Hidden Curriculum

People with autism don’t automatically pick up the meaning of idioms. However, they are able to learn the meanings of idioms by direct teaching. “I’ve got the world by the tail” is an example of an idiom. Sometimes an autistic will automatically assign a literal meaning to an idiom and then assume everybody else shares that literal meaning because it makes sense to him! That is what I did in the above example using the idiom “I’ve got the world by the tail.”

How will you teach the meanings of idioms and other kinds of assumed social understanding, i.e. hidden curriculum?

Do you check for shared meaning when it comes to idiom usage and understanding?

BOOKS BY JUDY ENDOW

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology. Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

OTHER REFERENCES

Asberg, J., Dahlgren, S. O. and Dahlgren Sandberg, A.( 2008). Basic reading skills in high functioning Swedish children with autism spectrum disorders or attention disorder. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders, 2, 95-109.

Asberg, J., Kopp, S., Ber-Kelly, K., & Gilberg, C. ( 2010) Reading cop Reading comprehension, word decoding and spelling in girls with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (AD/ HD): performance and predictors. International Journal of Language and Communication Disorders, 45, 61-71.

Minshew, N. J., Goldstein, G., Taylor, H. G. and Siegel, D. J. (1994) Academic achievement in high functioning autistic individuals. Journal of Clinical and Experimental Neuropsychology, 16, 261–270.

Myles, B. S., Hilgenfeld, T. D., Barnhill, G. P., Griswold, D. E., Hagiwara, T., & Simpson, R. L. (2002). Analysis of reading skills in individuals with Asperger Syndrome. Focus on Autism and Other Developmental Disabilities, 17(1), 44-47.

Nation, K., Clarke, P., Wright, B. J. and Williams, C. (2006) Patterns of reading ability in children with autism spectrum disorders. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 36, 911 – 919.

Newman, T. M., Macomber, D., Naples, A. J., Babitz, T., Volkmar, F. and Grigorenko, E. L. (2007) Hyperlexia in children with autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 37, 760-774.

Originally written for and published by Ollibean on March 7, 2016.
To leave a comment at the end of this blog on the Ollibean site click here.

The Predictability, Pattern and Routine of Stimming

March 5, 2016Activism/Advocacy, Growing Up Autisticart, autism, autistic experience, Diversity, first person account, neurology, sensory, social, visual routinesadmin

The neurology of a person with autism does not automatically organize the world outside their skin. When we are able to organize the happenings in the world we usually do so differently than neuro majority people.

As a young child I saw over and over how light from the sun interacted with water particles rising from the ground and with water droplets in the air. This repeated experience became useful over time in that I learned the predictability of this occurrence. I also learned the effects of various factors (such as clouds, rain, air temperature, wind, etc.) had on impacting the interaction of sun brightness with air and ground moisture.

By the time I was old enough for kindergarten I had an extensive experiential knowledge of sun sparkles and thus could put myself into the picture of the sunlight in various circumstances. Because I had figured out the predictability and pattern I was able to attain mastery over the situation that once took me by surprise, causing unfavorable behavior reactions! With this newly found mastery I was able to become part of the world around me, as literally seen in these paintings that now include the little girl of me. (Paintings are at www.judyendow.com Please see Morning-Chirp Sun Girl, Night-Song Sun Girl and Cloud-Breath Sun Girl.)

I especially liked the moon sparkles. They were much less intense. I noticed the moon sparkles mostly by looking through the window as I lay on my bed at night. I learned the predictability of moon sparkles as one season gave way to another. I loved the predictable repeating pattern of sameness that I could see in so many ways as I watched the moon sparkles each night through my window (Paintings are at www.judyendow.com Please see Moon Sparkle Winter, Moon Sparkle Spring, Moon Sparkle Summer and Moon Sparkle Fall).

Painting is Moon Sparkle Spring
available in packs of 5 greeting cards
and 3 print sizes
under the Art Store tab at
www.judyendow.com

It was wonderful to have learned so many kinds of order to the world around me – an order I learned as I learned the pattern of sun sparkles and moon sparkles across the seasons.

I had many opportunities to gain mastery over the blinding sun sparkles due to the fact that children growing up in the 1950’s played outdoors for many hours a day. Every day I interacted with what I saw by repeatedly trying to catch the sparkles and tails my eyes could see all around me. Looking back, I am so glad I grew up then and not now because back then children had much more opportunity for imaginative play.

If I was a little girl growing up today and displayed the repetitive behaviors of catching sun sparkles and world tails it would likely be referred to as stimming and adults around me might try to stop the behavior. If that had happened I may never have sorted out the world by learning and using the various predictable patterns of atmospheric interaction between the elements of light and water. The behavioral stims of repeatedly trying to catch the sparkles and tails I could see, but were not seen by others, helped organize the world around me.

This was important because as an autistic I thrived on predictability, sameness and routine. I organized my world in an unusual way using predictable atmospheric interactions of light and water.

Before I had my world organized I experienced lots of confusion, chaos and change each day. It was unsettling and anxiety provoking. It caused me to want to sit still and only look at books for long periods of time when I was indoors. For some children this perception of constant confusion, chaos and change in the world can precipitate meltdown behaviors.

Often time behaviors that don’t work well in the world develop in response to the autistic perception of confusion, chaos and change. This is not intentional, planned or defiant behavior, but instead an unplanned reactive behavior.

The way to provide support to prevent an autistic from a repeat of this felt experience of confusion, chaos and change is to allow for a high degree of predictability, sameness and routine in his world. One of the ways we provide this for ourselves is through stimming. The repetitive nature of stims can be highly organizing. Regardless of the stim, it certainly provides a high degree of predictability, sameness and routine.

Most of the time stims are helpful and allow us to participate in life. For me, it helps to organize the world outside my skin because while stimming I am able to unravel the everyday ordinary barrage of sensory and social information that becomes overwhelming. I am so glad nobody stopped my stims when I was a little girl. It was simply thought of as playing outside when in reality I was busy at organizing the world – finding the predictability, pattern and routine outside my skin.

BOOKS BY JUDY ENDOW

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology. Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Originally written for and published by Ollibean on March 6, 2016.
To leave a comment at the end of this blog on the Ollibean site click here.

Social Rules that Change With Age

January 26, 2016Hidden Curriculum, Social Considerationsautism, autistic experience, community, employment, first person account, social, transitionadmin

The “hidden curriculum” refers to the set of rules or guidelines that are often not directly taught but are assumed to be known. Most people automatically pick up this hidden information; their brains work that way. For those of us with autistic brains, this information is truly hidden; we do not automatically pick it up. Hence, the term, “hidden curriculum.”

Even though our brains are not wired to automatically pick up this hidden social information, we can learn it. Once we learn it then we know it just like everybody else. Sounds easy. It is not! Even so, it is very important because not understanding the hidden curriculum cannot only lead to social embarrassment, but can affect us in terms of getting and keeping a job and even staying out of legal trouble!

One reason it is difficult to learn the hidden curriculum is that there are many variables. One of those variables is age. Something nobody ever explains to you as you grow up is that lots of rules change.

For example, it is perfectly fine for a kindergartener to hold his mother’s hand when walking into school, but if a fifth grader did this, he would become a target for teasing and, possibly, bullying.

The handholding rule changes again when we grow up. Once you are old enough to date, hand holding becomes a romantic gesture, and still later it becomes a helpful gesture as parents become aged and physically need the assistance of a hand to navigate some public settings.

It is important for individuals with autism spectrum disorders to learn the hidden curriculum that changes with age. Not understanding age-related variables can be more damaging than social embarrassment. Sometimes behavior that a child can get by with can incur legal consequences for an adult displaying the same behavior.

For example, when Pete and Greg were growing up, Pete would ring the doorbell of Greg’s home when he went to visit. If nobody answered the door, Pete would tap on the window, cup his hands around his eyes, put his face up to the window and look in to see if Greg was home. This worked for Pete all through high school. Greg did not respond to the doorbell, but when he heard Pete tapping on the window and peering in, he would open the door for Pete. This was O.K. while Greg was living in the family home.

After high school, Greg and Pete both received county support services that enabled them to move out of their family homes. Going to visit at Greg’s new apartment for the first time, Pete rang Greg’s doorbell, and when nobody answered, as was his habit, he rapped on the front window and peered in. But Pete was no longer peering into the window of Greg’s family home where everybody knew him. Instead, it was the window of the downstairs tenant in Greg’s new apartment building. Also, Pete was no longer a child, but had grown into a man.

In response to a phone call from the downstairs tenant, the police arrived, and promptly handcuffed and arrested Pete.

Because it is so important for those of us who are autistic to learn the hidden curriculum and because there are so many variables, I have started a list of the age related variables that I have learned. There are many, many more age related hidden curriculum items. If you find it helpful to use this list please do so. In addition, feel free to add the items you have learned.

It is common for children to tell their age to new friends. This is not information that adults usually share when meeting new friends.
Age ranges on toys and games are guidelines meant to advertise that most often children of the stated age range will enjoy a given toy or game. It is perfectly fine for anyone, including you, to enjoy the toy or game even if you do not fall into the specified age range.
When playing a game with a young child, it is better to let the child win than to end up with a crying child who lost, even if you are the better player.
A gift of roses or candy on Valentine’s Day is most often interpreted as an expression of romantic interest.
If it is a custom in your family to pull the wishbone from the Thanksgiving turkey, even if you have done this for many years, know that you will likely be expected to graciously give up your spot to any child who may be present.
Even though you may have loved the custom of trick-or-treating as a child, you are no longer able to do this as an adult. But sometimes adults have Halloween parties where the guests dress in costumes.
Even though as a small child you may have enjoyed sitting on Santa’s lap at the mall, it is not something you may do as an adult. The exception would be at a special party where sitting on Santa’s lap is O.K. for anyone to do, including adults.
Sometimes a child has a napkin tucked under his chin to act as a bib. It is usually not acceptable for an adult to do so in public.
Even though you may enjoy using the slides and the swings in a public park, as an adult you may want to avoid using a children’s park. Often times a grown man who frequents a child’s playground is thought of as a possible pedophile.

As we take our place as adults in society, we need to learn the hidden curriculum, if for no other reason, simply to stay safe. We won’t always have a trusted friend or family member with us. If we engage in behavior in public that is considered suspicious, we could run into trouble. Once an adult, many things we did as children are now considered not okay, creepy or, in some cases, illegal. It behooves us to learn this information.

BOOKS BY JUDY ENDOW

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology. Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Originally written for and published by Ollibean on January 22, 2016.
To leave a comment at the end of this blog on the Ollibean site click here.