Dissociative Identity Disorder or Autistic Style of Thinking?

Autistic Neurology

Sometimes autistic neurology – specifically our style of thinking and the way our brain handles information – bumps up against what can appear to be psychiatric symptomatology. This has happened to me many times over the years. My style of thinking is visual along with being quite literal and concrete. I understand myself and, in general, thoughts, ideas and concepts by having or creating an object or visual representation of that construct. Here is an example:

“…in my life, I have come to a fuller understanding of the parts of me as represented by  actual pastel-colored stones. I have the collection in a small box. Each stone holds for me the information about a segment of my history. This is why, as a child, information learned in one setting didn’t automatically transfer to another setting for me, as it seemed to do for others. For example, the “home Judy” might be able to tie shoes and know how to make a sandwich, but the “school Judy” would not be able to access these skills” (Endow, 2009b, p. 17).

In the field of autism, we say individuals are not very good at generalization. We try very hard to help students perform learned skills in a multitude of environments to support generalization. I wonder if we had a way to discover how our student was taking in, processing, storing and retrieving information if we might then be able to develop a system for them to be able to generalize.  Once the system was developed would generalization be able to happen? Nobody knows as it hasn’t yet happened, but it is an interesting question.

In the field of mental health we tend to see in Dissociative Identity Disorder distinctly different parts of one person, sometimes the parts seemingly unknown to each other. I was actually diagnosed with this back when it was called Multiple Personality Disorder. Today I believe this historical diagnosis more accurately represents my autistic style of visual thinking in a very literal and concrete way along with the way my neurology takes in, processes, stores and retrieves information.

“Thus, this first pile of stones was comprised of several pastel-colored bits representing the inside unconnected parts of me – 

WHO I was

in different places,

much of the know-how of the various WHO’s

unrelated to each other

each WHO of her represented by

a separate pastel bit of colored stone” (Endow, 2009b, p.17).

Illustration of Concrete Thinking Impact
Over time, as I grew from a child to a teenager, and then into the various stages of womanhood, I was able to look back over the lifetime of these pastel stones. Each of them as its own bit of ME recorded and encapsulated into an entity of its own. These pastel stones held my history, each era distinct and separate from all the others, with none of the content of the stones overlapping.

Illustration of Information Storage Impact
No wonder I often felt unconnected to my past, as if I was continually starting my life over! I came to understand that this was a function of the way I processed and stored the happenings of my life – each bit encapsulated in its own entity, never intertwined with any other events. It often felt to me as if I was lost from myself.

Illustration of Information Retrieval Impact
When the content of these pastel stones became available to me in my thirties, I was finally able to piece together my past into one whole. During my forties I was able to think of myself as one whole person with a past, a present and a future yet to come. Today I have a good sense of my own personhood, being able to line up the story of each stone chronologically to tell my history, and also to imagine forward into the future. I do this by thing about what story the next stone will show. I have to be able to visualize a new pastel stone inside me before I can plan something into the future, like an upcoming vacation, for example.

Moving Forward
I think it is important to start discussion the issue of when characteristics of autism in general and psychiatric symptoms in specific may be a reflection of autistic neurology – part and parcel of how one thinks and how one takes in, processes, stores and relieves information. Back then, it was diagnosed as Multiple Personality Disorder, known today as Dissociative Identity Disorder. This diagnosis was not accurate nor was it helpful.

One reason it becomes crucial in teasing out whether we are looking at autistic neurology or psychiatric symptomatology is because autistic neurology need not be fixed. Instead, we all simply need to understand how it works for specific individuals and then, based on individual self-determination, we can proceed. For example. in my life, I sometimes just need to explain how I store and retrieve information when I need extra time to answer a question. Other times I simple say, “Please give me a minute.”

On the other hand, when something is reflective of psychiatric symptomatology, then the supports and treatments available to the general public need to be available to the autistic too. It is not appropriate to attribute psychiatric symptomatology to autism. It is appropriate, however, to treat psychiatric symptomatology of an autistic person through the lens of autism.

Selection from Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology, pgs.43-45.

If you are a clinician and interested in learning more about therapy with the autistic client please join me along with two of my colleagues in an online course.

CLICK HERE for additional information about  Mental Health Therapy with the Autistic Client. 

Note: The author is a mental health therapist and is also autistic. She iintentionally uses identity-first language (rather than person-first language), and invites the reader, if interested, to do further research on the preference of most autistic adults to refer to themselves using identity-first language.

BOOKS BY JUDY ENDOW

Endow, J. (2021). Executive Function Assessment. McFarland, WI: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology. Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009b).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009a).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

 

Impacts of Autistic Thinking Style

autism,

I think in colors. My thinking colors have sound and movement. When I hear spoken words my neurology automatically goes for the match. When I was a girl, I heard the saying, “I got the world by the tail.” Immediately, the matching pictures of tail started popping up in my head. It’s like having a personal version of Google Images.

The initial picture search produced a variety of tails of animals. Then, there came the images of the ground mist I saw each morning when I went outdoors after breakfast. I assigned the world tail words I heard to this literal tail meaning that enabled me to name the pictures that had popped up in my head.

Specifically, I assigned this new tail meaning to the interaction of the sunlight and misty water particles I could see rising up from the earth’s surface whenever I was outside. For most of my life, I thought this literally was the earth’s tail.

Furthermore, I thought that people were somehow able physically to grab onto this tail and when they did so they indeed had the world by the tail! I had often tried to touch these sparkles, but now I had a new mission. I wanted to actually catch this tail so I too might have the world by its tail! I am glad this was the 1950’s because children played outdoors many hours. I was not interrupted in my efforts of trying to catch the earth tails.

Today, this would be called “a behavior” and more specifically could be labeled “stimming.” Unfortunately, today some would try to intervene and stop me from engaging in this behavior. Back then, it was just thought to be my way of playing. I used this environmental phenomenon of ground mist interacting with the sun sparkles to make sense of the progression of time across the day. It allowed me to be able to predict what would happen when (lunch, naptime, setting the table for dinner, etc.). I am glad nobody took my mechanism of sense-making away from me!

I was often labeled stubborn and noncompliant based on other’s interpretation of my behavior.  In reality, I was doing the best I could in the moment to participate and do what was asked of me by the adults.

Because autistics have different operating systems, we are misunderstood in many ways. Our operating system visits different, and yet often intense, experiences of aspects of the world that others never seem to notice at all! I would like to end with a poem illustrating the huge impact mismatched colors have on me.

            Warring Colors

Colors are something her eyes
can readily see
and when colors match
they tend to give back
a comfort to her eyes.

But when colors don’t match
she can get distracted
and sometimes finds it harder to function
when her attention needs to be given
over to inside-her-skin physical senses.

If world-people could see
what happens inside to her body
when colors are clashing outside of her skin
in the world all around her

this is what they’d observe
Her eyes start hurting
as if they are burning.
Sometimes tears form
and leak onto her face.

Her insides
become disjointed
with inside-her-skin molecules
of her very being
trying to move away from each other –

like sisters and brothers
in a family feud –
kin not getting along,
choosing sides
and warring with one another.

This causes a physical aching.
Her muscles get sore and tired.
Over the years she has learned
that for her

it is not a very wise choice
to remain a long time inside of a room
where colors don’t match
together (Endow, 2006, pp. 24-25).

Selection from Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology, pgs.40-42.

Note: The author is autistic, intentionally uses identity-first language (rather than person-first language), and invites the reader, if interested, to do further research on the preference of most autistic adults to refer to themselves using identity-first language.

BOOKS BY JUDY ENDOW

Endow, J. (2021). Executive Function Assessment. McFarland, WI: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology. Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Autistic Processing of Social Information

Autistic Neurology,

My autistic neurology means that I am not good at picking up typical social cues, understanding complex social situations, automatically picking up meanings of idioms, or understanding the hidden curriculum that most others automatically pick up (Endow 2012). This means I often look naïve and gullible. The fact is I AM naïve and gullible when I try to use the social constructs of neuromajority folks to navigate the world around me.

When I was younger and deemed “in need of help” that “help” largely involved others trying to teach me to think and act as if I had a typically wired brain. I was never very good at it because no matter how many therapeutic social skills situations I availed myself of, because they were taught as if all participants had a neurotypical brain and my brain was not neurotypical, I mostly failed their learning agenda for me. My brain just plain works differently.

Here is an example: I rarely remember the same details about other people that most folks do. I remember the visual perception that came to me during an interaction, whether or not I was personally a part of that interaction. I pick up much information through seeing the sounds and movements of color people generate along with changes in the air space surrounding them as they speak and go about their business.

When I match the colors of others I can carry on a conversation. When our colors don’t match, the conversation usually doesn’t go well. I did not realize this way of perceiving and understanding the essence of people was not shared by others until recent years (Endow, 2013).

All through my life when others have tried to help me it has been minimally helpful to me. They would most often try to get me to understand the world in the way they understand the world. It was helpful information to know how others were thinking because it explained their behavior. Even so, learning how typical people think does not help me to then be able to think in their way.

Now that you have read the above italicized example of one way I think visually by incorporating the sound and movement of colors people generate do you understand it? Probably so. And now that you understand how I think can you stop thinking the way you think and start thinking the way I think? Probably not!

The way we think is important because it is how we make decisions. It is part of everyday life. In my work life I might avoid business interactions with someone because they have ugly colors with sticky tentacles moving sneakily toward me. A typical person, who’s thinking is language-based, may understand that this potential business partner is devious and less than ethical in his practices. In essence, we both understood the same thing, but I had no way to explain it unless I translated my visual thinking into words. Visual is my native language; it is how I interface with the world around me and how I innately understand people.

Just like it would not be helpful for you to adopt my ways which are foreign to you, please understand that it is not helpful for me to always adopt your foreign ways when making decisions about people. We think differently and that is okay with me. I look forward to the day that my way of thinking is okay with the rest of the world.

In the meantime, if you are a parent, teacher or therapist of an autistic person, perhaps you might find it useful to ponder these questions:

    • Do you know how this autistic person remembers people?
    • Do you know what is important to this autistic person about other people?
    • Do you understand how this autistic person decides who to interact with and who not to interact with?
    • Do you honor this, even if you may not understand it?

Many autistic individuals will not be able to explain to you how they think because it is not word based and thus they have no way to explain it. You do not necessarily need to understand how an autistic person thinks in order to honor it.

Selection from Autistically Thriving: Reading 

Selection from Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology, pgs.39-40.

Note: The author is autistic, intentionally uses identity-first language (rather than person-first language), and invites the reader, if interested, to do further research on the preference of most autistic adults to refer to themselves using identity-first language.

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurol

BOOKS BY JUDY ENDOWEndow, J. (2021). Executive Function Assessment. McFarland, WI: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology. Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012). Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Executive Function Assessment

Autistic Neurology, Executive Function, , , ,

During the past several years I have been working with both teachers and clinicians to see and support executive function challenges in their autistic students and clients. In the process, the Executive Function Assessment was born. Recently, It has been published in downloadable PDF format. Here is the information and the table of contents of what is in the Executive Function Assessment download:

Many individuals struggle with one or more components of executive function in their daily lives. Assessed are  each of the five components – flexibility, leveled emotionality, impulse control, planning/organizing, and problem solving. Based on the book  FLIPP the Switch: Strengthen Executive Function Skill  by Wilkins and Burmeister, this Executive Function Assessment is appropriate for use with (or on behalf of) intermediate, middle, high school and college career individuals. It has been found helpful in both school and clinical settings. The main part of this paper and pencil 20-page PDF download, the Executive Function Assessment Teacher Report, can be filled out by a teacher or a Mental Health clinician about the individual with whom they are working.

Next is a companion Executive Function Support and Intervention Plan that allows the user to document the specific goals, supports/interventions and data collection used by school staff or Mental Health clinicians to address specific executive function challenges based on the assessment. Also included is the Executive Function Student Interview for the teacher or Mental Health clinician to use. It is recommended to get the perspective of the student or client, involving them in the process and decision making on which areas to address to better their daily lives.

When an individual has strong executive function they are able to organize, plan, problem solve and pay attention to and remember details. Additionally, strong executive function helps a person remain calm under pressure and to be flexible when things do not work out right the first time (2015, Wilkins & Burmeister).

School staff report what they liked best about this assessment is it gave them specific and helpful ways to talk about their students during IEP meetings. Additionally, assessment items easily turned into  to IEP goals, on which students made progress.

A Mental Health clinician shares this: “In my therapy practice I only see autistic clients who have comorbid DSM diagnosis. The Executive Function Assessment has been helpful for clients (and parents) to understand just which things are difficult and what, if anything, to do about it.”

Table of Contents

What is Executive Function …………………………………………………….……………… 2

Executive Function Components ………………………………………………….………..… 2

Which Disorders Commonly Manifest Executive Function Challenges? ……..…….……… 3

Executive Function Teacher Report ………………………………………………….…….… 4

Executive Function Support and Intervention Plan ……………..………………………… 12

Executive Function Student Interview …………………..………..………………………… 13

Wilkins, S., & Burmeister, C. (2015). FLIPP the Switch: Strengthen Executive Function Skills. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Note: The author is autistic, intentionally uses identity-first language (rather than person-first language), and invites the reader, if interested, to do further research on the preference of most autistic adults to refer to themselves using identity-first language.

BOOKS   BY JUDY ENDOW

Endow, J. (2021). Executive Function Assessment. McFarland, WI: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2019). Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology. Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012).  Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Autistic Style of Thinking and Sensory System Impacts

autism,

As a teen living in an institution I learned many things. One thing in particular I figured out was what to do when inside my body I felt a rage brewing. The following is a selection from the first book I wrote in which you will see the how my autistic processing and information retrieval lead to ultimate frustration which in turn led me to problem solve – also using my autistic sense making abilities as seen in the sensory based names of the roads leading out of town as they provided the solutions.

It is interesting to note that at the time a diagnosis of autism had not yet been given to me. Even so, I was using my literal, concrete, think in pictures style to serve me along with my innate need for sensory system regulation. Often we think of autistic sensory needs and think- ing style as problems to be solved only because they are different from the norm. I encourage you to think of the autistic sensory needs and thinking style as a place to look for autistic sense making when interfacing with a world not made for us.

Getting Out of Town

     When the info she needs is somewhere inside her
     and she just can’t find it right then when she needs it

     she calls it Ultimate Inside Frustration.

     When she was a girl she coped by showing an array of behaviors
     that world-people outside her labeled “inappropriate.”

     She learned over time that silence was more acceptable
     to the people in the world outside her

     so she tried it.

     And this is what she did:

     She made a map with a city in the middle named
     Ultimate Inside Frustration
     and then drew a road to take to get herself out of this town.

     After that whenever she found that she was in town
     she knew exactly what to do.

     Instead of staying in town she would turn and run down
     a road with the signs pointing “OUT.”

     Here are the names of the roads on the map leading out
     of the town of Ultimate Inside Frustration:

Silent Road – where she can disengage from the outside world

Kaleidoscope Court – where she can find comfortable looking
matching colors to see

Grey Square Lookout – where she can see the repeating pattern
of the same speckled grey squares on the floors

Hummingbird Lane – where she can silently hum the same few bars
of the very same tune over and over and over again

Lake View Drive – where she can watch or listen to moving water
in the lake, the shower, the sink or the toilet

Textile Turn – where she can stroke something very smooth and soft
or something with a repetitive pattern of texture (Endow, 2006)

Selection adapted from  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology

Note: The author is autistic, intentionally uses identity-first language (rather than person-first language), and invites the reader, if interested, to do further research on the preference of most autistic adults to refer to themselves using identity-first language.

BOOKS   BY JUDY ENDOW

Endow, J. (2019).  Autistically Thriving: Reading Comprehension, Conversational Engagement, and Living a Self-Determined Life Based on Autistic Neurology.  Lancaster, PA: Judy Endow.

Endow, J. (2012).  Learning the Hidden Curriculum: The Odyssey of One Autistic Adult. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2006).  Making Lemonade: Hints for Autism’s Helpers. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2013).  Painted Words: Aspects of Autism Translated. Cambridge, WI: CBR Press.

Endow, J. (2009).  Paper Words: Discovering and Living With My Autism. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2009).  Outsmarting Explosive Behavior: A Visual System of Support and Intervention for Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorders. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Endow, J. (2010).  Practical Solutions for Stabilizing Students With Classic Autism to Be Ready to Learn: Getting to Go. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.

Myles, B. S., Endow, J., & Mayfield, M. (2013).  The Hidden Curriculum of Getting and Keeping a Job: Navigating the Social Landscape of Employment. Shawnee Mission, KS: AAPC Publishing.